Monday, December 29, 2008
Its All Good, Really!
I think that sometimes we lose focus on the reality that we are made in God's image...that also incases God's emotions. People are sometimes saying you can't be mad...you have to forgive..sure. We can forgive but even God has not let go of His anger right away. In fact His anger stewed for how many years while Noah built the ark? I want you to look that one up I have the answer but you should see what I see to understand my thinking here. And while it rained, God was still angry...and while the waters sat on the earth...God was still angry....and while the waters receded....God was still angry. Until finally there was a sacrifice of thankfulness...an apology of sorts...God was appeased and was remorseful for His actions and has since not flooded the earth again. So my friends I think it healthy to have our emotions...and healthy to let them run thier course because I think we learn new things from it. And I think we become closer to God because of it. God uses everything we experiance because has not God himself experianced all things? Of course He has...and He would want us to experiance less pain and less anguish but sometimes these things...no matter how trivial they seem are necessary to move forward in our path...stumbling stones are a poignant necessity to life. They bring us closer to God thru the use of our knees...skinned up..bleeding...oozing...and He tends to them..tenderly with mercy and grace. He heals thru the use of those stumbling stones...be they anger...bitterness...sadness....despair....what is your stumbling stone? what brings you ever closer to the feet of God in your need? What does He allow to make you sit a little longer and hear him? Just some interesting thoughts.....
Monday, December 8, 2008
So i'm not perfect....who is?
Ok so....after dealing with death on two people...and the realization that my older boys prefer "new" mom to thier real mom. I cracked....literally cracked. I let off some steam on my myspace page in just 4 short sentences. Got the point across. Was it a good point?...no.....did it make people mad?.....yes. I apologized but you know what to a degree as bad as it seems, I'm really not that sorry.
I had been soooo nice to this person and was repeatedly verbally knocked down to my face as well as to others. I sought assistance from this person in dealing with the kids as a team and still this person was rude and when I was able to reform some friendship with the kids dad this individual went nuts on that. Hello.....I divorced him for a reason!!! You can keep him....
Anyway to make a rather long best selling novel story short....I messed up. By letting my anger and irritation get to me...this person has systematically taken over my two older boys and has been working on the youngsters at times...and the big bad momma bear reared her ugly head. I am the garden where those precious flowers bloomed. And as a mom I will not go quietly in the night....I will not give up on my children.....unless the Lord calls them home.
Was I wrong in what I did?....yes....will I do it again?...no....will I fight for my kids?....YES!!
What have learned? Patience in waiting on God is not my strong suit. I know that He knows what is going on....I keep wondering when He is going to do something about it...maybe He has and I don't see it...I'm not sure....so I try to wait it out...and all the while pine away for those lost cubs. A heartbroken mother....
I had been soooo nice to this person and was repeatedly verbally knocked down to my face as well as to others. I sought assistance from this person in dealing with the kids as a team and still this person was rude and when I was able to reform some friendship with the kids dad this individual went nuts on that. Hello.....I divorced him for a reason!!! You can keep him....
Anyway to make a rather long best selling novel story short....I messed up. By letting my anger and irritation get to me...this person has systematically taken over my two older boys and has been working on the youngsters at times...and the big bad momma bear reared her ugly head. I am the garden where those precious flowers bloomed. And as a mom I will not go quietly in the night....I will not give up on my children.....unless the Lord calls them home.
Was I wrong in what I did?....yes....will I do it again?...no....will I fight for my kids?....YES!!
What have learned? Patience in waiting on God is not my strong suit. I know that He knows what is going on....I keep wondering when He is going to do something about it...maybe He has and I don't see it...I'm not sure....so I try to wait it out...and all the while pine away for those lost cubs. A heartbroken mother....
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Time is Now.....
This past month has been if not to say...pretty miserable. We experianced a sad loss in the family. My husbands brother, David, died of a massive heart attack. There was NO warning...and it was fast, and sudden. He was only 39 years old..so much left to give..but I know that God has his time. And I know that our days are set forth from the beginning. I find myself feeling thankful for having known such a sweet man with an infectious laughter. Who always said: It's all Good. I at least have hope that I will see him again....I am not 100% sure of his salvation but from our conversations I know that he believed. So that for me is where my saddness comes from...not really knowing....I did what I feel I could with the time given.
It was heart wrenching to watch such a wonderfully sweet christian family seem to lose all hope and light that is Christ. But thru lots of prayer I was so thankful for the message of Hope that was presented by thier pastor. I could see the difference soon afterward. While the hurt of losing a loved one lasts for a long time and never leaves you.....the happy joys of thier memories and the hope of seeing them again keeps us marching forth. I am also thankful to have been able to in but a small part re-establish the relation that my husband and his brother had...I am thankful that my husband will not live with any guilty feelings of thier strained relationship of the past. They were able to talk a few weeks ago and make amends...I am truly thankful for that.
As odd as it seems I am thankful to have been here for this wonderful family in this time of need. It has been hard.....but then life isn't supposed to be easy. Not even Christs life was easy...and we are made in the image of God...life isn't easy. I can only imagine our heavenly father looking down on us in saddness in our own griefs and trials trying so hard to direct us thru the easier way and we in our stubborness and deafness of ears and heart make our own directions so much harder. I pray that we all look and listen with openess of heart and ears...see with our eyes...watch. Keep looking up for He is coming sooner than later....we need to be ready. I have had rather interesting dreams of late and will post about them at a later date. All I can say about them now is that time is drawing nearer and nearer. Will you be ready? Will your loved ones be ready? What are you waiting for? The only invitation is the one given in Matthew...so Go Ye before the time is short and it leaves you breathless.
It was heart wrenching to watch such a wonderfully sweet christian family seem to lose all hope and light that is Christ. But thru lots of prayer I was so thankful for the message of Hope that was presented by thier pastor. I could see the difference soon afterward. While the hurt of losing a loved one lasts for a long time and never leaves you.....the happy joys of thier memories and the hope of seeing them again keeps us marching forth. I am also thankful to have been able to in but a small part re-establish the relation that my husband and his brother had...I am thankful that my husband will not live with any guilty feelings of thier strained relationship of the past. They were able to talk a few weeks ago and make amends...I am truly thankful for that.
As odd as it seems I am thankful to have been here for this wonderful family in this time of need. It has been hard.....but then life isn't supposed to be easy. Not even Christs life was easy...and we are made in the image of God...life isn't easy. I can only imagine our heavenly father looking down on us in saddness in our own griefs and trials trying so hard to direct us thru the easier way and we in our stubborness and deafness of ears and heart make our own directions so much harder. I pray that we all look and listen with openess of heart and ears...see with our eyes...watch. Keep looking up for He is coming sooner than later....we need to be ready. I have had rather interesting dreams of late and will post about them at a later date. All I can say about them now is that time is drawing nearer and nearer. Will you be ready? Will your loved ones be ready? What are you waiting for? The only invitation is the one given in Matthew...so Go Ye before the time is short and it leaves you breathless.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Where are the fearless???
I have noticed for some time that people carry soooo much fear. All this election craziness is now finally over. People have been clamouring for change in thier lives, but I wonder what happens when that change comes? Is it going to be a new band-aid for out lives or real change? I see alot of fearful people who don't know where to go or where to turn.
And where are all of us Christians in all of this? Myself included??? I have dealt with alot of things this last year...I had to face beind a single mom of 4...I had to trust God...couldn't do it anyother way...I had to face the fear of trusting another man...getting married....that was hard. But thru Christ it was done. I have the best marriage and the best life I think I could have at this time. There is still junk in the trunk....and the monkey is out of bananas....But I know Christ is my all in all....He is there for me thru everything and its nice to know that I do have fellow Christian Family members and I mean those from my church....who look out for me by praying for me.....I love them and pray for them also....I can do all things.... but only thru Christ...I feel for those who do not know this comfort...and I feel for those who do but wear a mask to hid thier fear...Is...43:3 Fear not is all I need to know. So here is the question today....How can I help others to Fear Not....and really believe it? Times are changing and its going to be a fear filled world for many....we need to reach them..........
And where are all of us Christians in all of this? Myself included??? I have dealt with alot of things this last year...I had to face beind a single mom of 4...I had to trust God...couldn't do it anyother way...I had to face the fear of trusting another man...getting married....that was hard. But thru Christ it was done. I have the best marriage and the best life I think I could have at this time. There is still junk in the trunk....and the monkey is out of bananas....But I know Christ is my all in all....He is there for me thru everything and its nice to know that I do have fellow Christian Family members and I mean those from my church....who look out for me by praying for me.....I love them and pray for them also....I can do all things.... but only thru Christ...I feel for those who do not know this comfort...and I feel for those who do but wear a mask to hid thier fear...Is...43:3 Fear not is all I need to know. So here is the question today....How can I help others to Fear Not....and really believe it? Times are changing and its going to be a fear filled world for many....we need to reach them..........
Monday, October 27, 2008
Where is your appreciation?
I have been soooo busy that I have neglected my blog...bad blogger I am....
Anyway lots has gone on.....my new trial: a bill from foreclosure for a VERY hefty amount. Can I pay it...nope....But God can. I have chosen not to worry or fret about it. There's not a whole lot I can do about it. I will be contacting the appropriate people and letting them know..I have no money...and nothing of value for them to take instead. The funny thing is I had the house sold but for weird reasons the mortgage company would not allow the sale. I had a full price offer...they sold for less...hhhmmmm somethin not right there. That's ok my attorney is God. And He will take care of everything.
On to something much lighter...when is the last time you looked at a very early clear sky morning and just looked at the stars??? Do that sometime..go out at like 4 or 5 am. and just look up...the stars are so bright and beautiful....and the moon is too. Its amazing that God made all of that. We often take it all for granted...ever wonder why we have to wait sometimes it seems like its forever...maybe we were taking God for granted and he wants us to see it...and relish the gifts he gives us....
I think that we often are very teenageish in our wants of God...we "expect" things. We ask and then get irritated or impatient because God isn't moving fast enough...funny isn't that how our teens treat us as parents...???? And we often say....my kids don't appreciate me....hhhmmmm do you appreciate God??? Something to ponder for the day......
Anyway lots has gone on.....my new trial: a bill from foreclosure for a VERY hefty amount. Can I pay it...nope....But God can. I have chosen not to worry or fret about it. There's not a whole lot I can do about it. I will be contacting the appropriate people and letting them know..I have no money...and nothing of value for them to take instead. The funny thing is I had the house sold but for weird reasons the mortgage company would not allow the sale. I had a full price offer...they sold for less...hhhmmmm somethin not right there. That's ok my attorney is God. And He will take care of everything.
On to something much lighter...when is the last time you looked at a very early clear sky morning and just looked at the stars??? Do that sometime..go out at like 4 or 5 am. and just look up...the stars are so bright and beautiful....and the moon is too. Its amazing that God made all of that. We often take it all for granted...ever wonder why we have to wait sometimes it seems like its forever...maybe we were taking God for granted and he wants us to see it...and relish the gifts he gives us....
I think that we often are very teenageish in our wants of God...we "expect" things. We ask and then get irritated or impatient because God isn't moving fast enough...funny isn't that how our teens treat us as parents...???? And we often say....my kids don't appreciate me....hhhmmmm do you appreciate God??? Something to ponder for the day......
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
God sayes to play nice!
Ok so you have something going on and it tear you up.....like my situation....God gave me Jer. 31:15-17 Very poignant...and very true of myself...I think Ok God so you are definately compassionant about how I feel....But I still struggle with this anger...I need to let it go but it sits there. Like a lump on the log at the bottom of the sea....
So God then sets me in Romans to 12:14 Bless them which persecute you:bless and curse not.
Then God directs me to Romans 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil,Povide things honest in the sight of all men.
Ouch...ok..so I have to ask forgiveness because yes I have been guilty of wanting to curse the situation. And so in tears I pray for the situation and all involved for hearts to be healed all the way around...and for all of us to learn from God and have our hearts softened to the spirits call. God is trying to tell all of us something...we all need to learn it....I was looking at legal options before all this. Now I guess I need to leave things where they are. Because realistically...what can any man judge do that God can't do better of more efficiantly? I need to just let God.
So God then sets me in Romans to 12:14 Bless them which persecute you:bless and curse not.
Then God directs me to Romans 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil,Povide things honest in the sight of all men.
Ouch...ok..so I have to ask forgiveness because yes I have been guilty of wanting to curse the situation. And so in tears I pray for the situation and all involved for hearts to be healed all the way around...and for all of us to learn from God and have our hearts softened to the spirits call. God is trying to tell all of us something...we all need to learn it....I was looking at legal options before all this. Now I guess I need to leave things where they are. Because realistically...what can any man judge do that God can't do better of more efficiantly? I need to just let God.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Salvation at its best
It was a late and fantastic night last night...got to play family games even though my husband dear had to get up extra early, he's a logger. And after all our festivities it was time to put the children to bed. Of course my daughter is scared of the dark at 8 years old. But this time I chose to use that to my advantage and utilized her "loneliness" feeling of the dark to witness to my daughter. We had a great time together and she did get saved prayed all by herself to the Lord. I was so proud of her...and then she turned to me and said "Mommy we have to tell Patrick, and Steven and Nathan how to be saved." When I informed her that they were she was relieved. But then she asked about all the people in the world. And I told her that I did not know about them. Her genuine loving response was "But mommy we are running out of time...we have to tell everybody! No one should have to spend eternity in hell." Out of the mouthes of babes....Our God is an awesome God! Who have you told today??? If no one make a point to share with someone.....anyone...after all do they "deserve" to be in hell.....absolutely not.
Monday, August 18, 2008
My Poem
The heaviness of my heart
weighs down my soul....
it brings me to my knees
raw thru the shedding of tears...
There I place my heart and
fears, into the hands of God...
Ever seeking peace and quiet
that's displaced by spirits strife...
How can my human form bare
such heavy life....
I cannot...thru myself I
am of naught...but pained, and distraught...
My eyes are sore of pained
tears that stream...they fall
from eyes to heart, and there they
stay.....I seek relief before
my heart is drowned...
I wait on God who's glory
crown shines bright the hope
around...
Thru prayer and faith and trust
I seek...please make me meek...
my heart is humbled ever so...
for I am weak....
this I know.......
weighs down my soul....
it brings me to my knees
raw thru the shedding of tears...
There I place my heart and
fears, into the hands of God...
Ever seeking peace and quiet
that's displaced by spirits strife...
How can my human form bare
such heavy life....
I cannot...thru myself I
am of naught...but pained, and distraught...
My eyes are sore of pained
tears that stream...they fall
from eyes to heart, and there they
stay.....I seek relief before
my heart is drowned...
I wait on God who's glory
crown shines bright the hope
around...
Thru prayer and faith and trust
I seek...please make me meek...
my heart is humbled ever so...
for I am weak....
this I know.......
Many Lessons In Many Days
I have been trying to get to this for a while now...but God has had me busy....very busy!! I am presently going thru a very trying time in dealing with people who have been deceptive and hurtful. And it wouldn't be so bad really except it then embroiled some members of my family who thru thier youth and inexperiance with this sort of thing believed what had been told them. So the result for me has been a very grieved heart....heavily filled with my tears and lamenting.
But God has heard me....I would like to share the verses He has shared with me...first was Is 7:4-7 This was Gods answer to me that He was not going to allow the thing that went on to continue. Then came verse Prov. 21:22 this was God telling me to wait...that he will save me. Another verse was Jeremiah 1:19 all I can say is God is amazing!! I am purposely not writting out the verses....you need to look them up as you go along on this journey with me....you will be excited and amazed by God's word!! All of these verses came on one day...so....the very next day of tears and anguish brought this:
Ps. 3 , Ps. 4, Ps. 5 and Ps. 6 in verses 6-10 is the very thing I was doing as I was reading these passages. I spent hours on my dock on the pond crying out to the Lord and telling him my griefs...He heard me...and he answered me. I asked him as the stupid human that I am to please give me a sign that he was there. And the next morning on my way to work on the driveway was....a Quail...your thinking...yeah and??? Well what did God give Moses and the people in the wilderness for substanance? Quail and manna from heaven. I took this to be God letting me know He is there and He did hear my lamenting and my tears..He is Providing for me as He did his people in the wilderness......and might I say I do live in the middle of a forest....lolol He also on this day gave me the verses Joel 2:12-13a very powerful.....
On the next day....I was grieving in quiet at work...and wrote a poem which I will post seperately...for you all to read. But the verse he gave me after I wrote that poem is awesome: Ps 31: 10-18: 21, 24 and so for now I leave you with several days of lessons God has taught me. What have I learned: God is there...He is real and when you seek Him you will indeed find Him. I am soooo excited to see what he will reveal to me next...He has brought me peace of heart and mind for I know that He will clean up that ugliness that has brought such grief into my life...He will feed me...and protect me...because He loves me...and I love Him.
But God has heard me....I would like to share the verses He has shared with me...first was Is 7:4-7 This was Gods answer to me that He was not going to allow the thing that went on to continue. Then came verse Prov. 21:22 this was God telling me to wait...that he will save me. Another verse was Jeremiah 1:19 all I can say is God is amazing!! I am purposely not writting out the verses....you need to look them up as you go along on this journey with me....you will be excited and amazed by God's word!! All of these verses came on one day...so....the very next day of tears and anguish brought this:
Ps. 3 , Ps. 4, Ps. 5 and Ps. 6 in verses 6-10 is the very thing I was doing as I was reading these passages. I spent hours on my dock on the pond crying out to the Lord and telling him my griefs...He heard me...and he answered me. I asked him as the stupid human that I am to please give me a sign that he was there. And the next morning on my way to work on the driveway was....a Quail...your thinking...yeah and??? Well what did God give Moses and the people in the wilderness for substanance? Quail and manna from heaven. I took this to be God letting me know He is there and He did hear my lamenting and my tears..He is Providing for me as He did his people in the wilderness......and might I say I do live in the middle of a forest....lolol He also on this day gave me the verses Joel 2:12-13a very powerful.....
On the next day....I was grieving in quiet at work...and wrote a poem which I will post seperately...for you all to read. But the verse he gave me after I wrote that poem is awesome: Ps 31: 10-18: 21, 24 and so for now I leave you with several days of lessons God has taught me. What have I learned: God is there...He is real and when you seek Him you will indeed find Him. I am soooo excited to see what he will reveal to me next...He has brought me peace of heart and mind for I know that He will clean up that ugliness that has brought such grief into my life...He will feed me...and protect me...because He loves me...and I love Him.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
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