Its All Good, Really!

I think that sometimes we lose focus on the reality that we are made in God's image...that also incases God's emotions. People are sometimes saying you can't be mad...you have to forgive..sure. We can forgive but even God has not let go of His anger right away. In fact His anger stewed for how many years while Noah built the ark? I want you to look that one up I have the answer but you should see what I see to understand my thinking here. And while it rained, God was still angry...and while the waters sat on the earth...God was still angry....and while the waters receded....God was still angry. Until finally there was a sacrifice of thankfulness...an apology of sorts...God was appeased and was remorseful for His actions and has since not flooded the earth again. So my friends I think it healthy to have our emotions...and healthy to let them run thier course because I think we learn new things from it. And I think we become closer to God because of it. God uses everything we experiance because has not God himself experianced all things? Of course He has...and He would want us to experiance less pain and less anguish but sometimes these things...no matter how trivial they seem are necessary to move forward in our path...stumbling stones are a poignant necessity to life. They bring us closer to God thru the use of our knees...skinned up..bleeding...oozing...and He tends to them..tenderly with mercy and grace. He heals thru the use of those stumbling stones...be they anger...bitterness...sadness....despair....what is your stumbling stone? what brings you ever closer to the feet of God in your need? What does He allow to make you sit a little longer and hear him? Just some interesting thoughts.....

So i'm not perfect....who is?

Ok so....after dealing with death on two people...and the realization that my older boys prefer "new" mom to thier real mom. I cracked....literally cracked. I let off some steam on my myspace page in just 4 short sentences. Got the point across. Was it a good point?...no.....did it make people mad?.....yes. I apologized but you know what to a degree as bad as it seems, I'm really not that sorry.

I had been soooo nice to this person and was repeatedly verbally knocked down to my face as well as to others. I sought assistance from this person in dealing with the kids as a team and still this person was rude and when I was able to reform some friendship with the kids dad this individual went nuts on that. Hello.....I divorced him for a reason!!! You can keep him....

Anyway to make a rather long best selling novel story short....I messed up. By letting my anger and irritation get to me...this person has systematically taken over my two older boys and has been working on the youngsters at times...and the big bad momma bear reared her ugly head. I am the garden where those precious flowers bloomed. And as a mom I will not go quietly in the night....I will not give up on my children.....unless the Lord calls them home.

Was I wrong in what I did?....yes....will I do it again?...no....will I fight for my kids?....YES!!

What have learned? Patience in waiting on God is not my strong suit. I know that He knows what is going on....I keep wondering when He is going to do something about it...maybe He has and I don't see it...I'm not sure....so I try to wait it out...and all the while pine away for those lost cubs. A heartbroken mother....

The Time is Now.....

This past month has been if not to say...pretty miserable. We experianced a sad loss in the family. My husbands brother, David, died of a massive heart attack. There was NO warning...and it was fast, and sudden. He was only 39 years old..so much left to give..but I know that God has his time. And I know that our days are set forth from the beginning. I find myself feeling thankful for having known such a sweet man with an infectious laughter. Who always said: It's all Good. I at least have hope that I will see him again....I am not 100% sure of his salvation but from our conversations I know that he believed. So that for me is where my saddness comes from...not really knowing....I did what I feel I could with the time given.

It was heart wrenching to watch such a wonderfully sweet christian family seem to lose all hope and light that is Christ. But thru lots of prayer I was so thankful for the message of Hope that was presented by thier pastor. I could see the difference soon afterward. While the hurt of losing a loved one lasts for a long time and never leaves you.....the happy joys of thier memories and the hope of seeing them again keeps us marching forth. I am also thankful to have been able to in but a small part re-establish the relation that my husband and his brother had...I am thankful that my husband will not live with any guilty feelings of thier strained relationship of the past. They were able to talk a few weeks ago and make amends...I am truly thankful for that.

As odd as it seems I am thankful to have been here for this wonderful family in this time of need. It has been hard.....but then life isn't supposed to be easy. Not even Christs life was easy...and we are made in the image of God...life isn't easy. I can only imagine our heavenly father looking down on us in saddness in our own griefs and trials trying so hard to direct us thru the easier way and we in our stubborness and deafness of ears and heart make our own directions so much harder. I pray that we all look and listen with openess of heart and ears...see with our eyes...watch. Keep looking up for He is coming sooner than later....we need to be ready. I have had rather interesting dreams of late and will post about them at a later date. All I can say about them now is that time is drawing nearer and nearer. Will you be ready? Will your loved ones be ready? What are you waiting for? The only invitation is the one given in Matthew...so Go Ye before the time is short and it leaves you breathless.